A Sad Day

Since Bill & Stefan are away camping this weekend.....I had plans to wake up early....and hit the ground running....NOT
I put NBC on to have the news playing in the background while I got ready to begin my day and heard the news anchor remember what it was like for her reporting the horrible tragic news that morning 9 years ago. And so it began.....I was glued to the TV the rest of the morning. I always listen to the names being read until I hear the three names from my hometown and then the two names of people I knew from the Port Authority and the name of a brother of someone I used to work with. The tears came out of nowhere and the pall was placed on my morning. The flowers being placed into the reflecting pool as people came up to read the names of those who perished were haunting to say the least. The pain on the faces of all those people, the tears in their eyes, the bagpipes, the violin music, the pictures and yes the American Flags blowing in the wind. When I finally went outside to begin the endless list of errands, I looked up at the sky. It was the same bright blue as the day it all happened. Since one of my things to do on my list was to go to my mom and dad's to help them with something.....I literally drove the same route that I drove that morning....as I got closer to Carteret......I felt as though it was that morning, in my minds' eye. I could still look over at the NY skyline and see those awesome towers only that morning as I got closer and closer to NY the skyline was very different. Those towers at that moment were on fire....you could see big black clouds of smoke in the air and over the skyline. When I got to work I remember thinking I should just go back home, get Stefan from nursery school, get Allie from school and hide in the safety of my home. I called Bill and he told me to stay put until things could get figured out. After all our sleepy little town was far enough from NY City and Philadelphia for our kids to be safe. That night our church had a special Mass and we went....that night there really weren't that many people there.....but in the days and weeks that followed the church was always so crowded. I remembered my sister calling from California (she is a critical care RN) and she and some of the nurses that she worked with were signed up with the government to come to NJ to work at ground zero for recovery......all too soon we realized there would be no recovery....no bodies needing to be taken care of....no need for medical care for survivors.....the phone calls waiting to hear if my Uncle Bob was on the subway below the trade center.....my cousins' husband being part of the NYC Police working at the site.....seemingly non stop.
Then I get a call from the teacher at Allie's school asking for our permission for her to be a keynote youth speaker representing Somerset County youth.....who knew there would thousands of people there hearing her relection....each holding a candle ....each remebering and listening to my daughter speak so eloquently.....we were so proud of her....and blown away how mature she seemed to be speaking up there in the sea of candles and tears. We have a picture of her with Christie Whitman right after her speech! The days and weeks following were days of terror, anger, frustration and prayers......driving to work not seeing the twin towers in the sky any longer were vivid reminders of what happened. The smell in the air....the dust in the air and yes all the stories. The news footage of families wandering around Manhattan looking for their loved one holding tight to a picture asking if anyone had seen this person. The women pregnant with babies not ever to meet thier daddy...the babies waiting for mommy to come home, the newlyweds mourning a future they will never have, the young lovers knowing thier dreams of a future were no more, the husbands, the wives, the grandparents, the sons, the daughters, the aunts, the uncles, the friends, the families, the fire fighters, the police officers everyone gone in an hour time span.
Listening to President Bush comfort the nation on TV seemed unreal. How could this have happened to the USA my great, safe country. No longer safe, secure. We were attacked by terrorists.....I couldn't even begin to understand it all.....yet it happened. There was no alarm waking me up from a bad dream, it was real. How do you tell you children they are safe, not to worry? How do you keep a four year old from asking why? How to you explain to a fourteen year old that it will be ok? How do you ever feel safe again? How long do you keep the TV off when the kids are up? How long do they catch you in tears and want to know why you are crying?
And here we are nine years later.....life goes on...people return to their routine...husbands/wives leave forgetting that important kiss goodbye, children no longer cling just a bit longer in your arms hugging you goodnight, terror and sadness are replaced by anger and revenge and sadly...people forget. Our young men and women are still in harms way,in the Middle East fighting a war that we are not wanted in. Watching my son in law, Ryan deploy to Iraq last July had to be the saddest day of my life. Watching fives buses of young men and women going off to the Middle East to defend our freedoms and to let everyone know that yes we are still America and yes we are still proud....still frightened....still angry.....but American and damn proud of it.
May our dear and mericful Lord hold all those who died on 9-11 in the palm of His hand. God Bless the USA and our troops.
Amen